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Applauding and praising tuneless auditions, cosying up to fellow judges, driving an environmentally-friendly car and wearing a pink jumper - it all adds up to Simon Cowell's worst nightmare.
But there is a seam of reality in the first X Factor USA promo, because the crew are cheekily sending up Cowell's former U.S. show, American Idol.
The action opens in an audition room that looks suspiciously like the hotel room used in the hit show, and the panel of judges are dressed in pastel hues, a favourite palette of Jennifer Lopez.
An immediate focus on positivity is evident - which was the all pervading force of the last Idol series, even between the judges, thanks to the sardonic British producer's departure.
Simon, clad in cotton candy cashmere, leads the way by lavishing praise upon awful acts and holding hands with Paula Abdul, while all the judges make emotional gesticulations, like the Idol Panel.
But perhaps the most obvious dig is Paula Abdul's opening remark that the young girl who murders Tomorrow from the film Annie has 'spirit.'
It directly echoes an American Idol trailer which features Jennifer Lopez telling a contestant: 'I feel a spirit comes out of your voice.'
When Simon responds: 'I can't believe I'm going to say this, but that's exactly the word I was going to use, I love your spirit,' it's an echo of Aerosmith's Steve Tyler's effusive affirmations.
This is most definitely Simon Cowell setting out his stall, the promo implicitly promises that the X Factor USA will have the edge over all over other talent shows.
And as the X Factor is on Fox, the same network as Idol, it's a typically audacious piece of bombast from the celebrated producer.
The promo opens with Simon sitting with his fellow X Factor judges Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger and L.A Reid, wearing a pink cable knit jumper.
A small girl then presents herself to them and starts to sing Tomorrow from Annie very badly.
But rather than cut her off after a couple of notes, Simon patiently waits for her to finish, claps and says, 'That's what I've been waiting for.'
Abdul, to Simon's left, praises the plucky child's spirit, and as the camera pans to the dream-breaker, there's a sharp intake of breath.
But woolly blush-sporting Simon says: 'I can't believe I'm going to say this, but that's exactly the word I was going to use, I love your spirit.'
A voiceover from Cowell goes on to say, against the backdrop of him meeting and greeting contestants: 'Let's face it, a year is a long time, we all change our attitudes and this is a different decade.'
As he continues with, 'It's a new decade, it's not about me anymore, it's about them', the video cuts to a man murdering Celtic classic Danny Boy with Simon shouting to him: 'I love you!'
The voiceover continues with Simon saying, 'I wanna make people's dreams come true. I even think about the environment', before it cuts to him getting into a Chevrolet Volt, a plug-in, hybrid car.
As he switches on the car radio, 'Tomorrow' blares out and a terrible cacophony of contestants singing engulfs him.
And in dream style fashion, the image wobbles before cutting to Cowell waking up in his penthouse apartment bedroom in a cold sweat.
He declares: 'Wow. What a horrible nightmare.'
The opening bars of Gun 'N' Roses's cover version of Wings' Live and Let Die then kicks in before Simon is seen speeding off in one of his ridiculously expensive sports cars as he smirks at the camera.
From then on in, it's all sharp tailoring, fast cars, helicopters and razor-sharp remarks.
We see our four judges emerge from a private jet looking like they mean business, and as the action scenes progress - a series of clips featuring Simon lambasting contestants and falling out with Abdul is interspersed.
He then smiles at the camera from behind his steering wheel and says: 'Well, what else did you expect?'
Simon said tonight of the promo: 'I sort of ‘dreamt’ the promo – seriously I did. I woke up and I can't remember whether it was a nightmare or a dream but I remember laughing when I woke up and I quickly wrote it down.
'I don’t know what’s been more fun, making the second half, the girls, the cars and the planes and all the excessive things, or faking the first part which was just so funny. Me sitting there in a pink sweater and LA in this weird pink shirt and we are sitting there trying to look enthusiastic about these singers - it was just one of the funniest days I’ve ever had in my life.
'The idea was what was the most inappropriate thing I could wear and it was either going to be pink or yellow - so we got all these sweaters and the pink one just stood out!
'We wanted to make something which showed what the show ‘could’ have been, my nightmare basically, then transitioning into what we really are and I thought it would be fun to make that.
'I literally really imagined my worst nightmare, and I put myself into that place and it was that.. Me, loving this song, Paula and I holding hands and I’m now turning into Paula everything is just... awful!. I just suspended my disbelief!'
The X Factor has it's two-Night Series premiere Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 8/7c and Thursday, Sept. 22 at 8/7c on FOX.
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But there is a seam of reality in the first X Factor USA promo, because the crew are cheekily sending up Cowell's former U.S. show, American Idol.
The action opens in an audition room that looks suspiciously like the hotel room used in the hit show, and the panel of judges are dressed in pastel hues, a favourite palette of Jennifer Lopez.
An immediate focus on positivity is evident - which was the all pervading force of the last Idol series, even between the judges, thanks to the sardonic British producer's departure.
Simon, clad in cotton candy cashmere, leads the way by lavishing praise upon awful acts and holding hands with Paula Abdul, while all the judges make emotional gesticulations, like the Idol Panel.
But perhaps the most obvious dig is Paula Abdul's opening remark that the young girl who murders Tomorrow from the film Annie has 'spirit.'
It directly echoes an American Idol trailer which features Jennifer Lopez telling a contestant: 'I feel a spirit comes out of your voice.'
When Simon responds: 'I can't believe I'm going to say this, but that's exactly the word I was going to use, I love your spirit,' it's an echo of Aerosmith's Steve Tyler's effusive affirmations.
This is most definitely Simon Cowell setting out his stall, the promo implicitly promises that the X Factor USA will have the edge over all over other talent shows.
And as the X Factor is on Fox, the same network as Idol, it's a typically audacious piece of bombast from the celebrated producer.
The promo opens with Simon sitting with his fellow X Factor judges Paula Abdul, Nicole Scherzinger and L.A Reid, wearing a pink cable knit jumper.
A small girl then presents herself to them and starts to sing Tomorrow from Annie very badly.
But rather than cut her off after a couple of notes, Simon patiently waits for her to finish, claps and says, 'That's what I've been waiting for.'
Abdul, to Simon's left, praises the plucky child's spirit, and as the camera pans to the dream-breaker, there's a sharp intake of breath.
But woolly blush-sporting Simon says: 'I can't believe I'm going to say this, but that's exactly the word I was going to use, I love your spirit.'
A voiceover from Cowell goes on to say, against the backdrop of him meeting and greeting contestants: 'Let's face it, a year is a long time, we all change our attitudes and this is a different decade.'
As he continues with, 'It's a new decade, it's not about me anymore, it's about them', the video cuts to a man murdering Celtic classic Danny Boy with Simon shouting to him: 'I love you!'
The voiceover continues with Simon saying, 'I wanna make people's dreams come true. I even think about the environment', before it cuts to him getting into a Chevrolet Volt, a plug-in, hybrid car.
As he switches on the car radio, 'Tomorrow' blares out and a terrible cacophony of contestants singing engulfs him.
And in dream style fashion, the image wobbles before cutting to Cowell waking up in his penthouse apartment bedroom in a cold sweat.
He declares: 'Wow. What a horrible nightmare.'
The opening bars of Gun 'N' Roses's cover version of Wings' Live and Let Die then kicks in before Simon is seen speeding off in one of his ridiculously expensive sports cars as he smirks at the camera.
From then on in, it's all sharp tailoring, fast cars, helicopters and razor-sharp remarks.
We see our four judges emerge from a private jet looking like they mean business, and as the action scenes progress - a series of clips featuring Simon lambasting contestants and falling out with Abdul is interspersed.
He then smiles at the camera from behind his steering wheel and says: 'Well, what else did you expect?'
Simon said tonight of the promo: 'I sort of ‘dreamt’ the promo – seriously I did. I woke up and I can't remember whether it was a nightmare or a dream but I remember laughing when I woke up and I quickly wrote it down.
'I don’t know what’s been more fun, making the second half, the girls, the cars and the planes and all the excessive things, or faking the first part which was just so funny. Me sitting there in a pink sweater and LA in this weird pink shirt and we are sitting there trying to look enthusiastic about these singers - it was just one of the funniest days I’ve ever had in my life.
'The idea was what was the most inappropriate thing I could wear and it was either going to be pink or yellow - so we got all these sweaters and the pink one just stood out!
'We wanted to make something which showed what the show ‘could’ have been, my nightmare basically, then transitioning into what we really are and I thought it would be fun to make that.
'I literally really imagined my worst nightmare, and I put myself into that place and it was that.. Me, loving this song, Paula and I holding hands and I’m now turning into Paula everything is just... awful!. I just suspended my disbelief!'
The X Factor has it's two-Night Series premiere Wednesday, Sept. 21 at 8/7c and Thursday, Sept. 22 at 8/7c on FOX.
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